Fanfiction
Author: Hamish
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Me poor.
May contain traces of mild cursing, alcholol usage and peanuts. Read at your own risk or if you want a laugh!

Severus Snape stormed into his office after finally finishing dinner in the Great Hall, finally rid off Dumbledoreís twinkling stare and those filthy little snot nosed dunderheads.

He headed straight for his liquor cabinet, hoping to get wasted was his main idea for the weekend and stay completely away from civilisation.

Once a modest amount of alcohol of choice was in hand (meaning way too much booze for your normal human), Snape wondered idly towards his desk.

Upon reaching his desk Severus spotted a couple of papers. Snape didnít remember putting them their and they didnít look like his writing.

Intrigued by this, Severus sat down for a closer look; it looked like a bunch of questions waiting for answers, some sort of quiz.

Nearly onto his second glass of liquor, Snape thought he might have a go at it, since there was nothing else to do and he was feeling a little tipsy.

Grabbing his favourite quill and red ink, Severus started the quiz.

What is the time right now? Seven, thirty pm.

Name: Severus Snape.

Nickname: Bastard, Old Bat of the Dungeons, Greasy Haired Git and just plain EVIL!

What are you wearing right? Black shirt, black pants with black robes over the top.

Star sign: Scorpio. For obvious reasons grumpy and serious.

Where do you live? Dungeons, Hogwarts, somewhere in Scotland.

Sex: Not often. OhÖ you mean my genderÖMale.

Single or taken? Unhealthily single.

Lefty or Righty? Left handed and the Dark Lords Left man.

Eye Colour? Black, it looks like I have no iris.

Do you have a Girlfriend/Boyfriend? Regrettably no. Come on Iím a great guy.

Will you send this to your crush? For all you people out there yes its true people donít love me, but doesnít mean I canít, yeah your right I canít love anyone. But I do have a crush and no I wonít send it to her.

Regular underwear or G-string? Iím a frilly, small panties type of guy, preferably in black.

Painted nails or not? Usually I go for the natural look, yet I get drawn to black, green or silver.

Normal or padded bra? Probably normal, unless their small they can have a little padding.

Wild or sexy? The problem with women these days is that they canít be both, sometimes not even one. Iíve had quiet a few wild ones, very bizarre, Iím sticking with sexy, if theyíll have me.

Dressy or casual? Iím a bit traditional and I love girls in dresses.

Dark or blonde hair? Dark, they can at least string a sentence together. No offence blondes, it was fun while it lasted.

Long or short hair? Long hair, I love running my fingers through it. Short hair gets me in trouble, because I think their guys.

Dark or light eyes? Light, I have a weakness for blue.

Good or bad girl? Bad girls are very sexy, yet good girls are better at sex.

Fat or thin? Not twigs, yet thin with curves.

Short or tall? Not taller than me, men donít like women taller than them.

Jeans or skirt? Skirt, you can look up them.

Black, tan or fair? Tan, Iíve always wanted a tan.

Shy or outgoing? Shy, they arenít in bed.

Would you date someone for their looks? Well that does play a major part.

Chocolate milk or normal? Normal, I like things in their true form.

Mud or jelly? Mud wrestling yes. Jelly, women canít wrestle in jelly.

Skiing or boarding? What is this, some stupid muggle thing?

Summer or winter? Winter, I prefer the cold, dark days.

Cake or pie? Cake, great for throwing at catís like McGonagall.

Gold or silver? Silver! Slytherin rocks!

Sunset or sunrise? Neither. I live for the dark.

Have you ever broken/fractured/sprained a bone? Yes many.

Do you have any piercing? Why would anyone want to put a piece of metal in any part of their body?

Whatís your favourite colour? Black, greens a close second.

Do you hate anyone? Oh my freaking God, you should ask is their anyone I actually like.

Who do you dream about? The usual killing Potter and such.

Why are you doing this? Because Iím actually getting drunk.

What shampoo do you use? What is this thing called shampoo.

Where do you want to get married? Church or garden? UmmÖI donít like the whole tied down thing.

Favourite boyís name? Harry, RonaldÖwhere the heck did that come from.

Favourite girlís name? Hermione, GinnyÖI must be very drunk! Whereís my booze gone.

Have you ever gone skinny dipping? I have had it done to me as a prank.

Been in love? Love I think Iíve heard of it before.

What was the last film you saw at the cinemas? Huh? Film, cinemas? Bloody muggles.

What did you have for breakfast? Black coffee.

Do you like filling these things out? Itís better than talking to people.

Who sent this to you? No bloody idea.

Time now? Eight oíclock pm.

Finally finished the quiz, Severus was glad he killed at least half an hour and got half wasted in the process.

Stumbling back to his liquor cupboard for more grog.

Snape being tipsy didnít notice the pop of a House Elf who while cleaning up came across the quiz, with a cheeky grin pop it left.

Severus stumbled back to his desk. Thinking of burning that quiz. When noticing through his bury vision that it was gone he cursed many God for shaken words not fit for your ears.

THE END!

By Hamish!


 

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